Jesse turned 2 today. Around 5pm, tired from a great party with the whole family, I headed upstairs for a bath and all the emotions of the day hit me at once like a lightening bolt and tears I didn't know I had ran down my face. So many things at once I couldn't sort them out.
Was it sadness? Sad that my baby was growing up, that all my kids were, that I wouldn't have a baby, not ever again? No, not really, that wasn't it. Was it pride? Pride in how beautiful and happy and self confident all my children are? Closer. Was it happiness? The thought of the little man who still needs to be cuddled 200 times a day and tells me he loves me and makes me kiss all his boo boos still? Closer still.
I flashed back to 2 years ago and felt him covered in warm goo on my pouchy stomach and a wave washed over me and I realized - it was love. A love that can both break your heart and heal it, over and over. A love that makes you sleep lighter so you can hear little ones cry in the night and hurry to comfort them because only you can. It's the love that makes kisses heal and hugs recharge. I sank my old tired saggy body into the bath and smiled. Yes, it was love, and that makes the tears, and the sag, ok.
Jesse loved his birthday and his party. My parents came on Friday afternoon and we had one cake after a pizza dinner. Then this morning everyone else showed up and Jesse would stop by from time to time and open a present and then go off and play with it. The cousins all played nicely as usual. Jocelyn changed her clothes 4 times. Dad turned 60 and so he got a picture of all 14 of us which I'll add to the website later.
Jesse’s favorite part was the singing of happy birthday and blowing out of candles. The look on his face, so happy to be the center of attention, was priceless. Jesse loved his presents today - Max & Ruby beanie babies, movie, and book from Grandma and Grandpa (plus a new sweater/hat combo and a padded baseball set), a thomas the train set from Daddy, a bubble maker from Auntie Elisabeth et al, a bowling set from Auntie Mandy et al, and some cleaning supplies from Mommy. He really did have a great day.
Friday I took the day off of work to go experience my first mammogram - what fun! My doctor had found a lump last week at my annual appt so I got to have both a mammogram and a breast ultrasound. I wonder what women who haven't gotten used to showing the whole world their goodies over the years feel during this potentially demoralizing exam. But for me, nothing new - haha. Anyway, turned out to be just a cyst and I was sent home with a clean bill of health.
Jesse made it through the week in his big boy bed and we dismantled the crib and made a little more room in his room - yay! A few nights he even slept the whole night through, but the others he got up at varying times. If Josh gets up to get him, he gets a cuddle and put back to bed. If I get up, lazy mommy just brings him back into our bed. Needless to say, he asks for me at the door. This morning he was up at 3:30 and seeing as he was born at 4:05, that seemed fitting.
Someday I'll get a full night's sleep. And when that day comes, I plan to enjoy it for about a week or a month and then start setting the alarm so that I can wake all the kids nice and early and ask for a cup of juice and a bowl of cereal and if they refuse I plan to scream and cry and throw myself down on the ground until I get it. If they don't watch it, I might just pee on their bed.
Well a screaming fit seems to have broken out because Josh won't share his wine with Jesse. I guess that's my cue to get off this computer - here comes the mommy monster!
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