December 23, 2010

Dear Santa,

I have a feeling that my kids left a few things off their lists this year, so I'd like to send this addendum.

For Timothy -

Well, Santa, while I was led to believe that I had until June before I had a teenager, it seems that mopey teenager syndrome has set in early.  So for Timothy I ask you to give him patience as I transform from his beautiful perfect Mommy into a controlling witch with no knowledge of anything and no memory of anything that happened to me before age 30.

For Morgan -

I think what Morgan really needs is some gum that he likes.  He chews shirts - do you have shirt-flavored?  I feel this would really help with our efforts to keep him this weight and wait for him to be 6 feet tall.

For Jocelyn -

Please please bring Jocelyn a quiet voice.  Yes, I understand that lack of knowledge of one's volume is a symptom of Asperger's and since this family requires at least one symptom per person, that is clearly hers, but Santa, my goodness!  I will be deaf before 40!

For Jesse -

Ok, this one is the most important.  Jesse also needs a new voice - one that doesn't whine.  I think if Josh believed in you, he would join me in this request because we have both agreed that if he doesn't stop soon we're going to hide in the basement until he turns 18.

Please Santa, I don't mean to sound like a complainer.  I adore my family, I really do. I'm just saying, I have to be locked in a house with them for the next week and these things would really make for a special New Year!

Sincerely,

Mommy